Intoxicated
by Alanna official
Summary: Just a one shot where everyone gets high. Complete crack.


Jon's study

"Hey Jon, I think you should have a look at some of these files. There's some really interesting stuff in them." Gary pauses and looks at Jon who is sitting behind his desk. "Is it just me or does it smell like smoke in here?" Jon looks at him for a moment then places something that looks remarkably like a cigarette at his lips, he takes a long drag then talks very slowly and deliberately."It has come to my attention Sir Gareth that you have recently been lacking in..." He stops and then his face splits as he dissolves into giggles, sliding down his chair. Stunned, Gary steps towards his desk and sniffs the cigarette, tentatively he places it to his lips and breathes in. "Great Mithros! What are you smoking Jon?"

"It's good isn't it?" Jon replies now sitting on the floor next to his desk.

"I'm not sure... Maybe I'll give it another try." He takes in a deeper longer breath this time and a grin slowly spreads across his face. "It _is _good." He says awed at the stuff.

"Hey, give us some!" Raoul said walking in and grabbing it from Gary's hand. "You didn't think you could keep secrets from me did you?" Gary looks at him surprised, but urges him on to try it.

"Yeah… It's really good stuff isn't it?" Gary says mischievously to Raoul.

"Huh, it actually is. But I think I might need a bit more," replies a somewhat giddy Raoul.

"Now what are you lads up to?" George said suddenly, surprising everyone since no one had seen him enter.

"Just a bit of fun really, help us to loosen up a bit. That's a pretty rainbow." They all turn and look at Jon who is lying on the floor smiling. WTF George mouths at Gary. Gary shrugs then starts laughing uncontrollably.

"YOUR go," Raoul says in a sing - song voice, shoving the drug in George's hand. "Go on don't be a pussy." George merely raises his eyebrows, but takes a long drag on it nether the less.

"This stuff's actually pretty great!" he said jumping on to the lounge and spreading himself out. "I'm sure I could probably find a reliable supplier."

"Yay! More drugs!" Jon squealed, doing a happy dance from his spot on the floor.

"What is this stuff anyway?" Raoul asked curiously.

"I dunno, just found it lying around somewhere." Jon answered "does everything seem different to you guys?"

Looking around with spaced out looks on their faces they take in their surroundings.

"Maybe it does…" Gary says almost seriously except for the stupid grin on his face.

"I know, everything seems…" Raoul's mind starts to wander before he finishes his sentence.

"Funnier…" George answer's finishing the sentence for him and then dissolving into laughter on the lounge. Not knowing why but following George's example, the other men start laughing uncontrollably as well.

"What in Mithros name are you four doing?" Alanna asked leaning against the door frame.

They all turn towards her with enormous grins on their faces and then start laughing together as if at a private joke. Watching them suspiciously, she ventures further into the room.

"I smell smoke," she stated turning accusingly towards Jon, looking down on him as he sat there smiling.

"Hmmm… Yeah…" He responded in a daze.

"Well, is _someone_ going to tell me what's going on here?" She said sounding exasperated.

Raoul looked at Gary, while Gary turned to Jon and Jon stared at George, as George watched Alanna sheepishly. Turning around, Alanna started walking towards George who watched her intently.

"So…" she said stopping in front of him.

"Come closer," he said sitting up. Sighing she walked forwards to him, and when she was in arms reach he pulled her into his lap causing her to make a very girly squeal in surprise. Chuckling, he turned to her with a straight face but with smiling eyes.

"Look Alanna-"

"George! Are you on drugs!?" She looked at him with alarm.

"Don't look so worried love," he said pulling her closer to him.

"You are aren't you?" she said accusingly.

Smiling, he held her tight and kissed her passionately. Relenting, she returned the kiss.

"Now try this," George said after kissing her, placing the drug in her fingers.

Tentatively she took a small puff and coughed.

"What is this?" She spluttered.

"Don't ask, now give it another try." George urged

She put it to her lips breathing in the smoke.

"Not so bad the second time," she said grinning slyly.

"WHOOO! Now we can all be high together!" Raoul cried

"Why in Mithros name are you screaming?" Buri cried looking at Raoul alarmed. Laughing, he stumble over to her taking the drug from Alanna's hand and pushed the drug into Buri's.

"Try this and you'll understand why…" He said sounding vacant and spaced out.

Buri looked at them strangely as she took in the scene, Jon was sitting on the floor next to his desk smiling stupidly and muttering about rainbows, Gary was wandering around randomly spouting random laws and thoughts, Raoul was standing in the middle of the room swaying unsteadily, his shoulders shaking with laughter, and Alanna was sitting in George's lap as they made out on the lounge.

"Umm… I'm not sure if I should."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Thayet said swiping the drug from her fingers. "It hasn't done them any harm," she nodded to the group already intoxicated.

"Oh," Buri looked at her surprised, "when did you get here?"

"Well, when I heard all the screaming and giggles I thought the palace had become an orgy so I came to investigate. Proves I wasn't too far off," she said glancing in Alanna and George's direction.

Sharing a laugh they both took a drag from the cigarette-like drug.

"You know this actually isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's actually quite a nice feeling." Buri said sounding pleasantly surprised.

"It is illegal to steal a man's horse and trim its hair!" Gary yelled out startling everyone.

"What the f***k-" Alanna swore, pulling apart from George and looking at Gary.

"Rainbows!" Jon cried trying to get up and falling on his arse.

"I'm hungry." Raoul stated rubbing his tummy.

"Is this an orgy?" Thayet asked looking up into the air above her head.

"I feel like potatoes," Buri said sounding drugged up.

"You don't look like potatoes," Alanna said then fell back into the lounge in a fit of hysterical giggles.

"I like potatoes," Raoul said looking at Buri, his voice full with sincerity.

"Aww… Potato love," George said looking at them knowingly, followed by a wink at Thayet.

"Hmm… Maybe I was right, maybe this is turning into an orgy," Thayet said still talking to the air above her head.

"Now tell me Thayet," Gary said looking at her with a somewhat serious face, "what is it that makes you feel so connected with orgies? What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say the word orgy?"

"Umm… sex." She replied looking at him confused.

"Okay," he said seemingly in deep thought, "because you keep referring to orgies it makes me think that perhaps because you are often thinking about- sex- perhaps you are not receiving enough to meet your… requirements…"

He looked at her with understanding eyes, well at least that's what they looked like.

"Umm…I don't think so," Thayet replied sounding like an innocent young girl.

"Uhuhu," Gary held up a hand silencing her. "I think that perhaps we best sort out this problem of such, don't you?" He looked pointedly in Jon's direction and raised his eyebrows at her.

"Wow… This rug's amazing," Raoul said sprawling himself in a starfish position on the floor.

"I'm starving!" Buri grumbled getting up and stumbling towards the door. "Anyone else want to come and get some food? Ooh and I could see if there are any potatoes!"

George and Alanna looked at each other then threw up their hands and called "We're in!" followed by Raoul who mumbled about liking potatoes and Jon who started crawling towards the door as he couldn't manage to stand up.

"Oh what the hell," Thayet said and tagged along as Gary trailed behind her counselling on her sex life.

"Oh! Your Majesties!" a young servant girl cried as she saw the procession making their way towards her. She almost died from shock as she saw the King crawling his way along the floor, the King's Own commander and the commander of the Queen's Riders looking dreamily into each other's eyes as they talked about potatoes as the Lioness and Whisperman managed to keep walking and making out at the same time. Lastly she saw the Queen making her way towards her as she blatantly talked about her love life with the King to the Prime Minister. Eyes widening in shock, the poor girl let out a squeal as she fainted.

"Oh dear," George deadpanned, nudging the girl lightly with his foot "looks like she's out."

"She looks like she's really pale, unlike my rainbows," Jon mumbled crawling over next to her.

"Someone should do something, take care of the situation. I don't know, what do you do with an unconscious person?" Thayet said momentarily stopping her narration on the goings on between her and Jon to Gary.

Everyone turned to look at Alanna who looked back with a wide eyed look of innocence.

"What would I know? You should all be looking at George," she cried indignantly "he's had to deal with me unconscious more times than I can count."

"Well you are a healer," Raoul pointed out rubbing the back of his head.

"Probably can't count very high anyway," Buri muttered under her breath.

Alanna turned and looked at her with a wicked gleam in her eye, "what did you just say?"

"Oh nothing- that you need to hear" Buri continued smiling sweetly at her, the perfect picture of innocence.

"Bloody coward," Alanna muttered back throwing Buri a death glare.

"Excuse me," Buri said placing a hand on her chest looking utterly shocked.

"Yeah, you heard me," Alanna challenged tilting her chin upwards.

"Oh you do not want to go there sister."

"Ooh, but I already did."

"Ooohh," the others called as the two continued verbally sparring.

"Wuh- did you just- did you just challenge me?" Buri cried her eyes showing complete shock.

"Oh didn't you get the message the first time? Let me make it clearer for you, COME AT ME BRO!" Alanna yelled holding her hands up for emphasis.

"Oh it's on," Buri cried lunging towards her. Both women stared each other down daring the other to make the first move. Violet eyes locked on black ones when Buri suddenly weaved her way through and made a mad dash down the hallway away from Alanna.

"Come back here! You _**girl**_!" Alanna yelled as she chased after her.

"Got to catch me first turtle!"

The others oohed and ahhed as they followed the two who raced all over the castle grounds. Buri kept running as she put so much distance between her and Alanna that she couldn't see her anymore. She snickered to herself as she looked behind her.

"Gotcha!" Someone cried as she was tackled to the ground.

"Argh!" She cried as she fell sideways with a person attacking her.

They rolled on the ground fighting to pin the other down.

"Rule number one!" Alanna said smugly as she wrestled with Buri having caught her off guard. "Never let your opponent out of sight."

"Alright guys-girls- people. Can we stop the fighting cause I'm actually getting really hungry?" Raoul interrupted.

Neither of the two women in the tussle paid him any heed as they continued wrestling.

"Alright ladies," George said nodding towards Raoul.

Both men grabbed a girl as they pulled the two apart.

"Noo!" Both of them cried desperately trying to free themselves from their captors.

"I think that's enough now lass," George said to a crazily struggling Alanna.

"No!" She yelled thrashing, "don't hold me back! Don't hold me back!"

"Grr!" Buri growled through Raoul's arms.

"Do you know what you need?" Jon said skipping along having found his feet. "Rainbows!" He giggled before squealing and dashing off to gods know where.

"So are we still going to the kitchens?" Thayet said walking up with Gary.

"Yes!" Raoul said taking off with Buri sling over his shoulder.

The rest of them shrugged before setting of after the two, George with Alanna set over his shoulder to prevent her from escaping and restarting her fight with Buri.

"Ooh cupcakes!" Thayet cried as she ran over to a plate piped with delicious looking cakes iced and glazed with assorted toppings.

"Ah, potato!" Raoul cried triumphantly as he held up a potato in his hand and place Buri on a bench. "I think something's wrong with this potato," he mumbled with his mouth full. "It's really crunchy!"

"That's because you're supposed to cook it first," Gary pointed out as Raoul stared dumbly at the vegetable in his hand with an o shape on his mouth.

"I swear we need to get more chocolate supplies," Alanna exclaimed as she shuffled through a top cupboard whilst still aboard George's shoulders.

"It's alright, you don't need the extra sugar," George said placing her down on her feet as she looked at her empty hands.

"What! Are you saying I'm fat!" She looked at him sharply.

"No no," he said holding his hands up in defense.

"How do you cook potatoes?" Raoul piped up distracting everyone momentarily.

"Whatever you do, don't ask Alanna!" Thayet cried with frosting smeared around her mouth.

"Uh, you've got a little," Gary said reaching out to wipe it off her face.

"Argh! Rape!" Thayet cried at the top of her lungs taking off down the halls. "Rape! Rape! Rape!" She screamed as she ran outside. They all looked at each other before taking off again this time towards the gardens where the queen was screaming rape attracting a lot of weird looks.

Too busy screaming and not watching where she was going, Thayet stumbled and tripped over her husband who lay sprawled over the grass like a starfish. She lay on the grass winded as she looked up at the sky, the sun setting down the horizon.

"There you guys are!" Gary said as the group of them finally found Thayet and Jon.

"I'm getting unfit," Alanna puffed.

"Told you you didn't need the extra sugar," George said earning him a kick to the shins that made him drop to the floor.

"Ugh," he said letting out a grunt as he rolled into his back lying with his head next to Jon's.

"Short people kick shins," Buri sniped throwing a look at Alanna.

"Alright, that's it! Hold me back! Hold me back!" She yelled before moving to pounce on her equally short friend.

"Oomph!" She came crashing to the ground and sent a glare towards her husband.

"You said hold me back," he stated looking clearly confused. She shrugged, puzzled by her own words after trying to think about them for longer than thirty seconds, so lay down placing her head next to George's.

"I feel weird standing now," Raoul said as he looked at everyone except him and Buri lying on the floor. "Lie down with me," he said to Buri giving her a pleading look.

"Aww. How could I refuse a face like that-I mean sure! I'll lie down with you- wait that doesn't sound right-" she was suddenly pulled down the the ground as the others grew tired of her nervous chatter.

"Shut up!" They all groaned as she took her place on the ground amongst them. They all lay on the ground just watching the sky with the positions that they were lying on on the ground creating a circle within their heads as their bodies made a sun like figure altogether.

They lay there until the sun had completely sunk below the horizon bathing them in darkness.

"Wait, what are we doing here?" Jon said sitting up as he looked at the current situation. "What just happened?"

The others turned to him as they sat up as well taking in there surroundings.

"Ha, you have frosting all over your face!" Alanna said laughing at Thayet who scowled at her as she removed the frosting from her face.

"And why do you smell like potatoes?" Buri said sniffing the air near Raoul, "_raw_ potatoes to be precise."

"Umm..." Raoul said looking down at a half eaten raw potato in his hand. "I have no idea how that got there!"

"You two looked like you rolled through the desert!" Gary said eyeing Buri and Alanna's dusty and slightly dirty clothing.

"Beats me," Buri said shrugging.

"Now I gotta have a bath!" Alanna exclaimed showing her clean disdain for uncleanliness.

"Seems like I'm the only normal one here!" George said letting out a laugh. The others stared blankly at him for a minute before bursting into laughter as well.

"Hey guys! Look what I found!" Jon said holding up a bong.

Everyone looked at him in shock before turning to each other with devious grins.

"Well share it out!" They said to the oblivious King.

**A/N**

**Well, that was pretty crazy! I hope you liked this and please leave a review. I'm not sure whether to do this as a one shot or maybe a series of things but just take into account that this has taken me about half a year to finish because I've been distracted by another fandom (Frozen). Hope you enjoyed it and just remember that this was purely CRACK okay? Anyways, thanks for reading - Alanna Official ^_^**


End file.
